19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s

By BRANDON SCOTT
GORRELL (via @Thoughtcatalog)
1. Stop placing all the blame on
other people for how they
interact with you. To an extent,
people treat you the way you want
to be treated. A lot of social
behavior is cause and effect. Take
responsibility for (accept) the fact
that you are the only constant
variable in your equation.
2. Stop being lazy by being
constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be
busy. It justifies never having
enough time to clean, cook for
yourself, go out with friends,
meet new people. Realize that
every time you give in to your
‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making
the decision, not the demands of
your job.
3. Stop seeking out distractions.
You will always be able to find
them.
4. Stop trying to get away with
work that’s “good enough.”
People notice when “good enough”
is how you approach your job.
Usually these people will be the
same who have the power to
promote you, offer you a health
insurance plan, and give you
more money. They will take your
approach into consideration when
thinking about you for a raise.
5. Stop allowing yourself to be so
comfortable all the time. Coming
up with a list of reasons to
procrastinate risky, innovative
decisions offers more short-term
gratification than not
procrastinating. But when you
stop procrastinating to make a
drastic change, your list of
reasons to procrastinate becomes
a list of ideas about how to better
navigate the risk you’re taking.
6. Stop identifying yourself as a
cliche and start treating yourself
as an individual. Constantly
checking your life against a
prewritten narrative or story of
how things “should” be is a
bought-into way of life. It’s sort of
like renting your identity. It isn’t
you. You are more nuanced than
the narrative you try to fit
yourself into, more complex than
the story that “should” be
happening.
7. Stop expecting people to be
better than they were in high
school — learn how to deal with
it instead, just because you’re out
of high school doesn’t mean
you’re out of high school. There
will always be people in your life
who want what you have, are
threatened by who you are, and
will ridicule you for doing
something that threatens how they
see their position in the world.
8. Stop being stingy. If you really
care about something, spend your
money on it. There is often a
notion that you are saving for
something. Either clarify what that
thing is or start spending your
money on things that are
important to you. Spend money on
road trips. Spend money on
healthy food. Spend money on
opportunities. Spend money on
things you’ll keep.
9. Stop treating errands as
burdens. Instead, use them as
time to focus on doing one thing,
and doing it right. Errands and
chores are essentially rote tasks
that allow you time to think. They
function to get you away from
your phone, the internet, and
other distractions. Focus and
attention span are difficult things
to maintain when you’re focused
and attentive on X amount of
things at any given moment.
10. Stop blaming yourself for
being human. You’re fine. Having
a little anxiety is fine. Being
scared is fine. Your secrets are
fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re
intelligent. You’re blowing it out
of proportion. You’re fine.
11. Stop ignoring the fact that
other people have unique
perspectives and positions. Start
approaching people more
thoughtfully. People will
appreciate you for deliberately
trying to conceive their own
perspective and position in the
world. It not only creates a basis
for empathy and respect, it also
primes people to be more open
and generous with you.
12. Stop seeking approval so
hard. Approach people with the
belief that you’re a good person.
It’s normal to want the people
around you to like you. But it
becomes a self-imposed burden
when almost all your behavior
toward certain people is designed
to constantly reassure you of their
approval.
13. Stop considering the same
things you’ve always done as the
only options there are. It’s
unlikely that one of the things
you’ll regret when you’re older is
not having consumed enough beer
in your 20s, or not having bought
enough $5 lattes, or not having
gone out to brunch enough times,
or not having spent enough time
on the internet. Fear of missing
out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve
figured out drinking and going
out. You’ve experimented enough.
You’ve gotten your fill of internet
memes. Figure something else
out.
14. Stop rejecting the potential to
feel pain. Suffering is a universal
constant for sentient beings. It is
not unnatural to suffer. Being in a
constant state of suffering is bad.
But it is often hard to appreciate
happiness when there’s nothing to
compare it to. Rejecting the
potential to suffer is unsustainable
and unrealistic.
15. Stop approaching adverse
situations with anger and
frustration. You will always deal
with people who want things that
seem counter to your interests.
There will always be people who
threaten to prevent you from
getting what you want by trying to
get what they want. This is
naturally frustrating. Realize that
the person you’re dealing with is
in the same position as you — by
seeking out your own interests,
you threaten to thwart theirs. It
isn’t personal — you’re both just
focused on getting different things
that happen to seem mutually
exclusive. Approach situations like
these with reason. Be calm. Don’t
start off mad, it’ll only make
things more tense.
16. Stop meeting anger with
anger. People will make you
mad. Your reaction to this might
be to try and make them mad.
This is something of a first-order
reaction. That is, it isn’t very
thoughtful — it may be the first
thing you’re inclined to do. Try to
suppress this reaction. Be
thoughtful. Imagine your response
said aloud before you say it. If
you don’t have to respond
immediately, don’t.
17. Stop agreeing to do things
that you know you’ll never
actually do. It doesn’t help
anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a
social norm to be granted a ‘free
pass’ when you don’t do
something for someone that you
said you were going to do. People
notice when you don’t follow
through, though, especially if it’s
above 50% of the time.
18. Stop ‘buying’ things you
know you’ll throw away. Invest
in friendships that aren’t
parasitic. Spend your time on
things that aren’t distractions. Put
your stock in fleeting opportunity.
Focus on the important.
19. Stop being afraid.
 
Link here -----> Thoughtcatalog

TO WHOM MUCH HAS BEEN GIVEN..

Let me begin by addressing the elephant in the room. I'm among the lucky 15000 or so people in this world to have had the privilege to school at Starehe Boys' Centre and School. With that out of the way, I can proceed to write a post that has kept me out of blogging.

Writing nice, inspirational or life changing posts is hard. You ask why? The fear of judgement. I'm in my early 20s, I personally detest inspirational stuff. I'm a believer of self inspiration and so to go around blogging inspiration stuff contradicts the person I tend to believe I am. This post though is different and will go against all that BS. Judge me.
I've been thinking alot about giving and receiving of late. When I first joined Starehe as a fully sponsored student, I was quick to try find where the catch was. The concept of schooling a young Kenyan boy without pay was strange to me, too nice an act. I searched, asked around, nothing. I imagined that Starehe would tax you or something after you get employed to repay the fee but that was a myth demystified. So indeed it was full sponsorship. I was overwhelmed. The only way we were to repay the home, the institution as Mr Gikubu, the only remaining co-founder would put it, is to be appreciative, be extremely disciplined. His 'We feed you, we clothe you, we give you first class health attention' emphasized how much the school gave. Quite fair the way they expected to be repaid you'd say but being a teenager and being disciplined was a task but most succeeded to repay. 

Starehe is a great institution, I loved it for its foundation, its beliefs as an school, the upbringing. A smart guy would walk out of the school changed. It was an experience, the best in my life so far.
The concept of giving selflessly and not expect anything back struck me. It awed me. It was the greatest lesson learned. The concept although can get confusing especially since at the entrance of the schools Assembly Hall reads 'To whom much has been given, much will be required'. To my understanding, that is much of, if much is accorded to me, then its my responsibility to appreciate and repay in my own way, not necessarily the same way.

Now to bring this home. The life we are living. The country we live in. If you asked me, we are more of receivers, always expecting much but not caring to give, or giving very little if any. I can be selfish, in fact I am on occasions because we are generally wired to think about ourselves first. Acts of generosity from people surprise us. We question intent. That has not made the act of giving any easy. Its a world of if I give you this, what's in it for me? Its made giving very questionable, very ingenuine.

I remember this period in school I felt generous and wanted to buy some girl lunch. Damsel stood me up. Either she thought I was bluffing or was to buy her lunch at some shady joint. I had nothing in mind. Just buy a friend lunch. At the best restaurant in school for that matter. My intentions were questioned I suppose.
In my own little ways, I've started cultivating the culture of being a giver, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Its hard trust me. Its something you need to practice over and over. One thing for sure, its a very fulfilling practice, it adds so much to life. Life becomes more about others than ourselves.
That is it. Not well written but I hope my point is home. As we approach Easter, let us treat other people, expecting nothing in return from them. Just enjoy peoples company, spend time with friends, family and loved ones. Hope you find it as fulfilling.
From that quote above, if we all received and gave as much as is required, these acts would balance out and we'd all give and receive in equal measure.
©Jakaya10

BACK BLOGGING?

When I quit blogging two years ago, I blamed a couple of things for my death of creativity. My main excuse was always lack of material. During my prime blogging period, I always had fast access to the internet and a computer to churn my 2 cents on word document. Soon, I had neither. I quit. But that was just an excuse. I was lazy. I didn't feel so confident about my writing but when I look back, read through my pieces, I am always awed.

True I lacked resources, joining campus didn't help my creativity at all. Between the classes, partying, the girls, really, there was no time to sit and be creative. I imagined that getting a better phone to blog from would be the answer but that phone never materialized. Other matters had financial priorities, plus I never fancied an IDEOS which was the available low-end smartphone then, before the market went crazy.

Now things have changed. After my priorities got sorted, saved a few coins for a better phone. So one morning I wake up in such a reading mode, go through an article on being a man on @Esquiremag. Coincidentally, I remember having penned such an article, I go through my archives pull it out and share. Then I download this blogger app and like they say, okay not really, I mean and like I hope I'll say in future, 'The rest is history'.

Many of my favourite bloggers quit as well, notably 'Miss Noelle' who I'll never forgive for quitting. Her writing was raw, capturing and from her life experiences. The type of writing you relate to because of the lessons learnt from the blogger. @Bikozulu ran out of steam, my tribesman @Nyanchwani went to Sudan where I guess the internet is an illusion, plus a couple of good bloggers who ran out of ideas.

My reading culture is back, I hope I'll grab my writing mojo back. Till then, I guess I'll keep being boring.

©Jakaya10