Real Women Date Arsenal Fans

Well this was a short weekend. At least for me. Starting and ending on (the) Saturday. I went to church on (the) Saturday and of cause I felt peace at the feet of the Lord. It feels good to let someone bear your life for a moment. I mean they take with them all your life and at that moment you feel a new being. I urge those of you who do not go to church to try this sensational experience in the Lord.
It being a weekend, of cause there was more to it. Another sensational thing I looked forward to. First and foremost, I need to make it clear that I suck at football. Second, I am a fan of watching soccer. Third, I am a mighty supporter of Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal. And I am not ashamed of it. Well this weekend proved tragic. Thank God there are very few supporters of Tottenham I know of. These bunch of guys totally ruined my weekend. And to make it worse, (in fact this is the part that completely made a mess of the whole weekend), I was on the line when the third goal was going in. This friend of mine, decided to give me a call and there she was laughing at me just before the goal went in ‘Oh! Dear there goes the third one’. Well had it not been that I value my phone or that I value the screen I was watching from, all would have gone down. Laughing at a dying man is a No! No! Laughing and mocking the pride of a man is unacceptable. So anyway I swore never to forgive my friend for that but later I forgave. You see, it was a Saturday and it would have been ironic not to forgive.

Arsenal is an iconic football club. Legendary to me. It represents everything I know. The commitment, the struggle, the never giving up spirit even when all seems done (ok that was till the derby side stole that from us). The resilience. Name it. Arsenal has got it all. Of cause its long since the club achieved any honours but that is not to say it’s a losing club. If arsenal were a woman, I think it would be the ideal woman and if it were a man, then I think it would be the type of man all ladies would want to have.
Arsenal is the appreciation that the neighbour next door has a good life, is rich, has a rich husband and all the glamour but you do not look down upon yourself. Arsenal is the ability to create greatness in a man. (I bet all women want to have great sons). To create greatness in yourself. To have people envying you secretly. It is not having to buy a finished product. It is the nurturing of potential to stardom. It is the glory in seeing your product sour height and have people wanting to possess what you have.
Arsenal by far plays the sexiest football. An attribute I think all women would want in their men and vice versa. Arsenal guys have class. They are not only interested in winning but they also enjoy what they do (football). Their ‘touches’ are neat and well placed. Arsenal is sexy and sexy is Arsenal.
Supporting Arsenal is knowing what you want. It is knowing that as much as you are after winning, shit happens and you are derailed off your ambition. It is the factoring in of any circumstances that may come along. Well over the years we have come close but of cause we do not have an award for coming close. But we cannot be called losers because we offer competition.
This weekend we had the best opportunity to come top but we threw it away. That’s how serious it is to be a supporter of Arsenal.
It involves having faith in yourself even when you do not seem to be going anywhere with that faith but it eventually pays of. It is the appreciation of the fact that other people are better off but you can achieve that level of success if success was your major goal.
I hail Arsene because he intrigues me. He is arrogant but at the same time an achiever. You can yap al you want but I think he has nothing to prove. He has proven it all. He has built a team that has gone unbeaten for 49 games. He has won. He has nurtured talent and most of all, he appreciates that shit happens and he knows that you can’t please them all.

He invests a lot of faith in his boys and they fight with a spirit. Though they are bullied at times by the bigger ones, it’s like he tell them ‘Hey! Do not be like them; do not make it a tit for tat affair. Remain calm and disciplined’! Now that’s greatness to some extent.
All in all, Arsenal is a great club. It might go trophy less for yet another season but that does not rule them out. They fight the good fight. They win as a team. They lose as a team. They believe in themselves and they go for it.
A picture has been going round that ‘Real ladies do not date Arsenal Fans’. Well from the look of things, ‘Real ladies should actually date Arsenal Fans’.
Have a fruitful ‘non-Arsenic’ week ahead.

© Jaqaya

My Insanity

Saturdays used to be my worst days for four consecutive years ending this year. I never figured out why it was so. But something kept telling me it was the school church services I used to attend that later on would amount to so much of my soul searching there ruining my days. I never want to blame it on the Saturday but either way, Saturdays were my Mondays then. To every bad Monday, there is always a Bikozulu blog to cheer it up and to my Saturdays then, there was the Capital Fm Vybe Session of the Soul Inc. Soul Inc was my Bikozulu.
Well I remember this particular day I tuned to Wanjiku Mwaura on studio. It was her poem ‘Imperfection’. I was thrilled. The way she recited it, the power, the life in it was breathe taking (poetically that is). I must have read all her poems; I remember ‘Charles’ and ‘Imperfection’. Then I went on to read more and more of the blogs she was following and I was hooked. On poetry. It flowed in my veins. I was thinking poetry, dreaming and eating poetry. I had my mojo then. I was in form. I loved spoken word. I checked in you tube the video, amazing. I was insane about poetry. And I needed an avenue. Well my desk mate then would share my two shilling poetry and criticize here and there. But all I knew is I had this thing I wanted to nurture. And after a few poems close to fifty, I started a blog. Not serious then though, I posted something. I did not tell anyone about it because then, I was not sure it was such a good idea plus I did not think I could pull numerous posts. Anyway I was barely 18. What did I know about blogging?
I owe my poetry to James Kisiah, an eloquent gentleman. My second to PLO. I loved the way he has his way with English. He has the command of the language and his poetry, is amazing. I was lucky to interact with him in high school, read some of his poems and from then on, penned one or two. Nothing big really, I was just trying.

I have tried to nurture that skill. I think poetry to me is more of a skill than a talent. I have to work on it. When it doesn’t flow I cannot force it. It comes from within. I tried Swahili poetry but that was too complicated for me. The numerous rules couldn’t get my message across. But I am good in Swahili though. In fact I have all through loved Swahili more than English. It is just because expressing myself in English is easier than Swahili.

But over the past few months. I have grown in writing. Poetry no longer houses my thoughts. It cannot possibly give room to what I have in mind and well at times what I want to say disappears in the verses. So prose does it nowadays for me. I have nothing clear that I can say I am working on or would want to achieve with this. All I know is one day I would want to contribute as a columnist and the ultimate would be to get to pen ‘Mantalk’. To tread on the path of great columnists like: Makau Mutua, Yusuf Dawood, ‘Whispers’, Philip Ochieng’, Oyunga Pala, Jackson Biko, Mutahi Ngunyi, Tony Mochama, Carol Mandi , (though I don’t read her articles as often) but to name a few.

That is my dream. Everyone has dreams. And I think I would like to pay the price to make my dream come true. That includes upgrading my English and getting some tips.
All in all, my writing is just a way to rid off a lot of words on my mind. I would run mad if I did not. So technically this is my insanity. My madness!

When I say I am a Christian

The world of belief is a tricky one. Believing in eternity, believing in God, believing in people, believing in yourself among other beliefs that we have (not forgetting witchcraft). We are human and a part of us always want to believe in something. A supreme being or anything. Maybe your friend, parents, role model. Name it. I believe in God. Period. At least He never fails me. That is why I still believe in Him even though its been long since I stepped foot in a church. The last time I attended a service, I remember walking out before the sermon. And I kept asking myself why I attended if I could not wait for the sermon. I guess I just back slid when it comes to the congregation ‘church’ part. But again, I am working on it. I do believe in people at times. Though it is a risk. At least I know I believe in my best friend.
In that working on my spiritual belief, I came across this poem that caught my eye. Even though I seem to have lost that poetic mojo, I can still spot a good poem (even old men who have lost ‘power’ can still spot a beautiful girl). I hope it does something to you. I am not saying change you or make you believe in God this moment, I am saying I hope you will feel something like I did!

When I say I am a Christian

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I’m not shouting, “I am saved.”
I’m whispering “I was lost!
That is why I chose His way.”

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I don’t speak of this with pride
I’m confessing that I stumble
Needing God to be my guide

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I’m not trying to be strong
I’m professing that I am weak
And pray for strength to carry on

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I’m not bragging of success
I’m admitting I have failed
And cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I don’t think I know it all
I submit to my confusion
Asking humbly to be taught

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I’m not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are too visible
But God believes I’m worth it

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
Which is why I seek His name

When I say, “I am a Christian,”
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority
I only know I’m loved


~Carol Wimmer
Chicken for Soup for the Christian Family Soul

To Boddah(ess).

These are words that were probably composed years ago. Time and time again, I have lacked the opportune moment to express them. Words that stem from the root of my being and have lingered in my mind. And in appreciation of my mortality I have to say them. Not that I anticipate my demise, but should anything happen, I wish that you know this.
I am a coward. I have my fears that time and again I have tried to shake off. The fear of the unknown. Fear the uncertainty of time and the future. It is in this line that I have ended up making mistakes and taken steps that have ended up breaking my progress in my grooming to be who i want to be. You must know that sometimes I have done things I did not wish but solely due to the uncertainty of the future.
I am coward to myself. I fear myself that sometimes I do not look at myself to know myself. Because this self is impure, this self is unable and however I try, I have never gotten the courage to sometimes face myself in greater depths. In that moment of a smile or laughter, is a concealed sense of fear. You must have noticed this. I have feared disappointing and to this, I have always strived to be at my best.
Time and again I have fallen short of who I proclaim to be. Outside I have created a facade of a strong person. But within, I have remained to be weak. In temptations, I have often failed to pass the test. I have disgraced myself. Though unnoticed, even by you, I have felt unable in dire moment. Moments that have called me to define myself.
I do not know how you picture me out; neither do I think it is a big deal. In these few years, I have strived not to expect a lot from people. I have let my mind free of people’s opinion and views. I have been branded liberal, radical and a menace in various occasions but I have never let those moments define who I am. True to say, I do hate a lot of things and people. But through, I have learnt to maintain my calm and keep my views to myself. So I do not care to think who I really am to you. But I have never failed to express how much of a person you have been to me. There are moments I have used you to find my bearing. Times I have been lost and used you as my compass to get back on track. You have been a challenge and I have strived to surpass the challenges. In my past few years, I must say there are few people who have lived up to your standards.
You must also know that I am lost. Totally and completely unaware of what the future holds. I have lived trying to find the way but in vain. At times I have thought I have found the way only to sink deeper in my dark pit. I have tried! Trust me I have tried and I'm still trying. At times I have called upon you to help me. Either you have not noticed or you have thought it’s an individual’s effort to locate and find their true purpose in life.
It’s been a life I was thrust into and before long I was alone. The past ten years have been hell in a way. In my own way. I have lived half of those years in a dream. Never wanting to accept the truth in the dawning of my life. And so I have been trying to wake up from my dream. In that pursuit of the light of the day, my life has stopped flowing. Time wise, I am five or ten years behind. That was till I realized this was real. I was real. I was alone. I was Lost!
When you came along, i did not make any effort to try and extract myself from my mess because, well, i thought with time you would pass, many have come and left. but you stayed on. And I have transformed over these years. Though not by much, I have made a step; from worst to worse. I do not know if you have noticed.
I am unambitious at times. I have been misunderstood most of the time. My sarcastic, critical view and not to mention my academic excellence in the past couple of schooling years have been confused with ambition. Deep down, sometimes I cannot tell what I want. That I have tried to hide from you and to the world. And so I have posed as someone else. I have concealed my identity at times. Not because I hate my identity, but because I try to be what I want to be and I am stuck here. When you asked what I want to be in years to come, those responses were genuine but know it is because I strive to be true to you. Had anyone else asked, the answers would have varied from one person to another.
Someone said if I say ‘I have been thinking about you all the time’, then I am lying. But truth be told, it’s been you all along. I have expressed this to you sometimes and you have laughed it off. I guess it was flattering. But it’s the truth. For the past 3 months or so, it’s been all about you day in day out. And this has at times helped me escape my sorrows because in you, I have cherished my thoughts. My nights have ceased being sleepless. My eyes no longer shed tears at the darkest moment because that is not what you would have wished. So I have lived my life to the best in your thoughts. My thoughts have been diverse. From past, present to future. I hope to live up to the good future I think of you in.
I am a better person because of you. I have shed some of my older self because of you. It is something I have hidden and tried not to let you know but it’s high time I think I let you know.
I have been envious of your life. You have always seemed strong, unweathered and always growing stronger. Traits I so admire in you. I have watched moments shared with friends and family and I have always wished the same. But since I am unable to live the same, its has been my challenge to let others live up to thing I have wished I had in my early life
In my cowardice, unambitiousness and untraceable self, I have wished you knew me more. For this is who I really am: My naked self.
I have tried to hide my nakedness from the face of the world for long enough. My art has always been a way to free my mind from this but it has not always worked. I have at times even lost taste in my work itself. Sometimes I find it wanting. At times I have been challenged to improve which I have tried where possible.
If you forget all these, I want you to know that it has been a life changing experience knowing you. Let’s walk the talk.

Peace, love, empathy.

Jaqaya

Randomized Compensation, The People

I lost touch with my last post. I thought it would come out as I wanted but it was to long an issue. So I tried as much to not make it too wordy or else it would have been boring. Precisely: Boring.
Boring is what I have been of late or rather I am. Not that boring that I can make you doze off but something like; a lacking enthusiasm. I know it’s not yet the end of the year yet but my annual report for 2010 records this has being the year I have been such a bore. Look at me. I lost that poetic touch. Poems used to define a day for me back then but now? Nothing! Nothing defines me other than the endless urge to write my mind. More of making good use of the Facebook ‘What’s on your mind’. Thank you Facebook. This (blog) is what is on my mind.
Not that I have been such a fun guy either but small things that define me as a ‘bore-not’ do not exist anymore. Look at my friends. Every time I keep asking. ‘Hey! Did you marry a rich guy n flew away?’ very possible. Girls marry rich guys and have a ‘good life’. We are heading there but will the story be he same? For a guy, I don’t know. Guys can disappear for all sorts of reasons. But wait for them to resurface. There is always a hell of shock waiting. Some flew out of the country and thought by telling many people they will be witch hunted. Well yes witches exist but what year is it again? Or they got employed somewhere and the job is killing them and they do not want to whine about it. So they keep low. Or for whatever reasons. But when a guy goes MIA, sometimes you do not ask.
If you have known me this year, then you have known a slightly different person. My levels of satire and critics have really gone down. Maybe it’s the company. Company defines a person. So I think I will change my company. I need people I satirize and criticize. Oh yeah! (Sounds like the Lucy Kibaki thing). Some guy i know thinks blogging is like Facebook or a social network where you update your status. Very funny people. You do something and they copy you. Kwani are we in class two. Had it not been that I needed a platform for my random thoughts, I would not even be blogging. So you out there! Stop telling us about your sissy stories! Go update status about them in a social network. You are making the whole blogging concept bad! Jeez!
Anyway I still retain my friends nevertheless. Maybe I will run through a few.
Collins: The guy who made fun of me one morning in class and broke his arm within the next 3 hours. (Didn’t I ever warn you that my grandmother is Hatari!.Asiyesikia la mguu huvunjika mkono). Poor guy he did his KCSE in a plaster arm. Hohohoho! Do you still doze off anywhere? This guy practically slept for 3/4 of all the classes he ever attended. But still keeps in touch. The number one critic. Never fails to say ‘aaai msee ii imebore’ then throw in his laughter. By the way you really need to change that style of laughing or the Germans will blow your head off! This guy mocks people. But that is people worth mocking. If it’s good he will say it is good. If not, prepare to be his laughing stock. Trust me this guy doesn’t give a shit! But that’s him.
Olive. Huh! Need I say anything? What a combination of friends I have. More like Collins this one. Can really laugh but that’s if someone is making a fool of themselves. Not forgetting the trademark ‘Seeeemaa’ on the other end of a call. You really should bring it back. Or I should be calling more often. I remember this time I used to call till I could hear the parents complaining. I think at the back of their minds they pictured a an old man old enough to sound alarm and they thought their daughter was getting lost. They must have prayed for you severally like Nyambura in ‘River Between’ I mean who could afford such credit then when Safaricom was Safaricom? If someone could afford long phone calls then, think twice, but positively. Yeah I know Olive I have been not the guy I was but see! Am working on that! Just promise the ‘seema’ will be back and we work a deal.
High school Tin Huts Association: Official members,
Shem Omasire. You guy do you still back out of plans? One sly a person. Wewe! I am not saying he is a bad guy. He is just sly. He thinks after not before. No offense meant.
David Kariuki. The guy who keeps complaining ati I pick on him too often because? Well Kariuki is always my example when I am talking about the guys from Central Kenya.
Derrick Ngechu. My rock godfather. Chizzo man. Si kwa ubaya but I never forget the hibernation period stunts you used to pull. But the sky is the limit au sio? Keep it up Rocker. By the way thanks for the Rock. It has done me more good than harm though I stopped the metal rock. The sarcasm? You are the king of satire and sarcasm chief!
Ex-official members:
Brian Tedley. You just disappeared. The perfect example of those people who just disappear. Good thing I know where you are. So one day I might drop there. So what exactly do you do? Hope you are not the gateman because well, that will be embarrassing. Dr Hart is your latest code name. Even though you claim it is growing up.
G-Man. The bully. Every one will agree this guy is a bully and takes advantage of his height.

Githinji. There is this story that goes round that this guy bought a doll for his chic as a birthday present. I do not know how true that story was but it surely cracked my ribs all along. Arguing on practically everything. Even where you could possibly pick an argument. How he managed to assimilate himself is yet to be known.
Jorge Akello: Chairman Ex Official member. I still insist if you are not a member you need to knock the door. I know you found it rather bureaucratic. Like ‘what does this guy think he is? Arsenal and Lingala fan. Hapo tu!
Mike Mwangi ‘Kabag’. CPA will drive you crazy. But I hope you can multi task CPA and Mike. Those are two different situations. I pray you live long. Do not ask why because I do not know why. When I pray, I pray for you to live long.
And not forgetting the mutual friend Ivy. I remembered her because she once told someone that she is as straight as a gay man’s trouser. Well I did not ask more to that statement.
About all the people who ever stepped foot in the tin huts save for Davi unless you have changed live a different lifestyle. You wouldn’t think we can have a conversation but we do. We still friends though I do not indulge in alcohol. I am not saying alcohol is bad. Just because I do not often doesn’t make it bad. Does it? Plus other thing you smoke. Shem you smoked coffee in 4th. Coffee? Is coffee smoked?
Not forgetting Sophie with the ‘Aki broo’, Linda
So although I have been missing in action, I still have people who once in a while we catch up on a number of things here and there.
And like Moses Wetangula, I did step down but I promise you I will be back in action and step up. Cut the politics. Like McKay, I shall return.
Parting Shot: ‘Say Ahh’ and ‘I Invented Sex’ are two songs that stand out by Trey Songz. Nothing gay about me liking the two songs. Just these two.I insist!

What maketh a man?

P\S: The term ‘man’ shall be used in reference to the human species in general throughout this post unless stated otherwise.

There are many articles out there that talk about the masculinity and femininity of being a man and a woman respectively. In most of the articles, critics have branded the writers as being biased towards one specific gender. The latest I read was a week ago. This one did not talk much about the manhood but was much about the definition of a man. There was this definition that I must say I did find quite hilarious. ‘A man is six inches in the pants and no less.’ I am quoting.
Enough said about being a man and being a woman. But what makes us human? What makes us different from animals? What makes us stand out as the people we are? That is my question. This thought hit me on a Sunday when I was trying to scratch my head and find something to write about. I try to exercise personal discipline when it comes to my blogging. I have not set out clear rules but I promise myself to write something at least once a week and so I had to find something. In the course of my thoughts, it actually struck me that I was practicing self discipline. Of cause nobody questions me for not posting on my blog on a particular week but within, it is something I know I have to do. Personal or self discipline makes us a people. It makes you and me a person. The ability to say No when you think something is not right or controlling yourself in tempting situations is exercising discipline. For some of us who went to schools were discipline was breakfast, lunch and supper, it was instilled into us. The school system is meant to help us be better persons. Learning to tame the beast of your loins, honouring sobriety, keeping your hands to your self when needed are just but basic elements of self discipline. It stretches from making promises to ourselves in terms of New Year Resolutions to keeping and abiding by them. This year alone, I was supposed to have read all of Shakespeare works. I have managed to do half. I guess I have not been that disciplined a person so to say. The last time I read Shakespeare was in May. Time for a change.
A man keeps his\her word. It springs from the virtues of respecting your word and keeping it. It is closely tied with self discipline. You see if you cannot keep promises to yourself then of cause you cannot keep other peoples promises. How many of us borrow and return on time. How many of us say things and implement. How many promise and deliver( if you have ever been in a political system, count yourself out). There is nothing more annoying than following someone who borrowed something from you. It makes you less of a person if you do not keep your word. There is something I call the 'Gentleman’s agreement' where we do not sign a contract but agree by word of mouth. Generally, whoever breaks a gentleman’s agreement whatsoever is nothing but a mess. I do not know the female equivalent but honouring agreements is by far a virtue as personal discipline on itself. If a comrade asks for my pair of shoes and fails to bring them back, I may let it pass but at the back of my head, he has failed the test of his definition of being a man in a way or another.
Dignity is the quality of being worth of respect. If you can carry yourself in a dignified way, then I will certainly respect that. A friend of mine really tries to push for people to be worth of respect. She does not believe that being female makes you less of a person. You got a role to play to earn your respect. Of cause there are countless people out there who in one way or another have involved themselves in degrading acts. Our dear elders in political posts are corrupt, are involved in scandal not worth mentioning. Man is to error. If you can pick yourself from such instances and prove that you are still worth of respect, then you are worth it.
A man knows where his\her lines are and dares not cross them. He\she knows who friends are and who are not. Who the enemy is and who is not. He\she respects the bounds that lay between friendships and relationships. Respects what defines how we relate to each other. Understands one another. Anything that leads to crossing the line degrades and humiliates. There are instances of relationships (and by this I mean even family bonds) broken and friendships lost because of crossing the lines.
Being a man and a person is more than just being called by name. It involves acting and carrying yourself in a manner that is defined by an individual but conforms to stipulated norms and regulation. What makes me Mokaya is not the same thing that makes you John or Alice or Bridget. We are defined differently but we must all fall by the bar which is set or we have set ourselves. It is high time we exercise self discipline, respect and all other virtues that differentiate us from two legged creatures with less brains or a tail.

IF POEM
....If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:...

DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.....