‘The Guy In front of you is always a Kikuyu’.

NB: Before I am misunderstood nad accused of being tribal and summoned to the TRJC, let me clarify that this post is not tribal by any chance. I have nothing against my Mt. Kenya fellows. In fact they make a good portion of my friends (to some limit i.e. where funds are not involved). So please do not feel offended by my title.
I usually wonder why many people on the first encounter always jump to the quick conclusion that I am from the lakeside. I mean am not that dark -skinned or have the heavy accent or went to the Rachuonyo School of English hence my vocabulary is updated with the latest Oxford Edition. I might be arrogant but not proud. I am a simple person, simple English, fair skin colour. Not that I hate the guys from the lakeside, as a matter of fact, I spent 15 boyhood years there. So I totally know and understand being a lakesider.
My post is inspired by the latest Oparanya statistics, dubbed the ‘Kenyan Census’. Which I together with my other countless male compatriots would be quick to dismiss as false, but only when the figures of male and female are concerned. I mean the ratio of man to woman can never be 1:1.Never. Just how does that happen? What is the government trying to send to us after apparently their AIDS campaign on faithfulness has failed? I guess those Oparanya statistics are just meant to spell doom to me and others to embrace monogamy as chances of being polygamous are limited. Anyway as for me and countless others, the ratio of 1:3 still stands. So hey! Don’t start feeling sweet thinking the statistics will change a thing.
I’m triggered to write this because I just walked into a stall to buy some airtime and the first notice I see on the wall is, ‘Stop! Do you know your blood group…’ am thinking maybe this is serious. Maybe there is some epidemic that requires blood transfusion like Ebola so I must know my blood group least it strikes. And it goes, ‘..Your blood group?, 100/=..’I walk out and check the name of the stall. ‘Kariuki Communications Ltd’, and it hits me. 100/= to Kariuki. This guy must be a genius. He nearly got me there. I mean 100/= when I can donate blood and know my group. Not only will I have helped a soul but also benefited.
Kikuyus make 6 million Kenyans. Close to a sixth of the population. So when I remembered my high school observation where ‘The guy in front of you was always a Kikuyu’, I was not shocked. Be it in class, on the field or on the road, which is always true. Mark you I was not in some school in Karatina. I was in a national school. I just wonder if 6 million is the true figure. Just check and prove me wrong.

11.16 pm - 11.26.pm

11.16 pm. Just ran out of movies and series to watch and I’m too far from tao where I usually get a DVD for 50 bob. the people around demand 100 bob which i find too exhorbitant a price. I love Nairobi. So I try the TV but this is not helping either. Mexican soaps and televangelists are not my favorite and not even CNN. Not that I have anything against religion or the word of God but those preaching never amuse me. Especially when I know in the end, the preacher is going to flash some mobile number on the screen soliciting for money through M-Pesa. I love Kenya. That reminds me of one Pius Muiru, the preacher who used to pray for people depending on the money you paid for prayers. I mean, WTH!! Ati you buy anointing oil.
So then I try the radio hoping to get some soothing music that will get me to sleep. By default I am tuned to my rock station X fm but today, rock isn’t just the music I want to listen to. I am not in the right mood for rock especially today that I slept between 4 & 8pm. I was very idle. So don’t blame. So I try tuning to other stations but here I bump into funny late night presenters discussing very weird subject matters. This reminds me of high school boarding where the guy who owned a radio in the cube would be listening to such idle talks about relationships. Worse still, among married people and the language in use was very inappropriate. I thought such were for 20 year old people with the weekly Dr Love and Dr Hart. Shock unto me when I listened, only to hear about old women lamenting about their husbands’ lack of stamina and God-knows-wat-else. I’m still trying to find a suitable station because otherwise today will be as sleepless as this other past days. Seems sleepless nights are not for the married-with-kids only. I have nothing against marriage!
Aha! finally I settle to Kiss FM though after 30 min I’m sure I will have mustered the recurring play list but its worth it anyway. Easy FM would have been another alternative but am so sure the topic of discussion there is X-rated plus the mushy music. NO! Not now. Not today, not ever!
I check my screen and there, R. Kelly’s ‘u saved me’ n I am thinking, Kiss might just save my sleepless night with their constant music with no presenters interrupting.
Now I got to hit the sheets and admire the ceiling. Its 11.26pm. Wah! Kutakucha kweli!